The power of intention
I love language and the way it affects our neuro circuitry and impacts how we feel about ourselves and behave towards ourselves and others.
To me the word ‘resolution’ suggests a fixed jaw, a stiff upper lip, a test of endurance. It feels it’s about standing to attention, and doing what I am ‘supposed to do’! It’s a very distinct kind of self-discipline born out of denying ourselves; a ‘not doing’ something or a ‘having to do’ something. ‘Resolution’ to me is much more ‘stick’ than ‘carrot’.
I know from my own experiences that I can’t make changes if it involves not doing something I like, like eating chocolate. Or doing something I don’t enjoy, like going to the gym!
But if I think about the summer and how good I will feel wearing that summer dress I love or feeling comfortable walking up a hill in the heat, then I can get on board and feel very motivated to ‘do’ and to ‘not do’. You see for me; I prefer the carrot over the stick every time. And this is true of most other humans I know. The carrot that I use, is what I call my intention.
In my life and in my coaching, I have ditched the word ‘goal’. Goal feels to me much like resolution; tick box driven and inflexible. I prefer the word ‘Intention’. Intention feels more like a thoughtful consideration of all the facts before choosing a way forward. It feels more easeful and choiceful and is about ‘being’ the way, I can be!
Rather than trying to ‘do’ what I don’t want to. It’s a more compassionate and empathic approach that is much less likely to bring out the rebel part of me. Which means I’m much less likely to sabotage my journey and give up.
And this is the essence of it for me – when I check in with myself first, when I listen to and lead with the wisdom of my body, when I ‘feel into’ what my body wants and let my body choose what is best for me – I can begin to drop the forceful ‘doing’ of resolutions and choose the gentler ‘being’ of intentions.
And the weird thing is – this works better! At least for me and for the clients I work with. YES to having aspirations and being clear about that. And YES to finding compassionate, deep processes on that journey to where I want to be. In my experience, If I want lasting change – change that lasts more than a years’ worth of failed resolutions – then I set an intention.
So, for you? What creates lasting change for you? The carrot or the stick?
An invitation when it comes to ‘turning a new leaf’ is to listen carefully to your inner body wisdom. Your body may be saying no to the high stress of your career and a yes to discovering mindfulness that helps your body cope with the demands that your work brings.
Your body might object to the sudden shift in diet and gym routine, and a yes to listening, following the body’s whisper of ‘walk in the mountains’ or ‘go to the pool’ that offers a gentler more meaningful way to exercise.
If you ask and can listen, your body will certainly tell you how to move and what is good to eat today.
When we take this listening logic to other areas of our lives, including, no, especially in intimacy, our quality of life improves exponentially.
My body and I know this for sure! Especially when it comes to self-pleasuring or intimacy with another. Your mind may be saying ‘I’m going to porn perform now’, or ‘I must satisfy her’ or ‘I’m going to cum too soon!’ but your body may well be saying ‘I don’t feel safe’ or ‘stop trying to make me perform!’ or ‘what I really need is to relax, feel connection and have some slower sex’.
I’ve been on this journey with my body – trying to make it seӿually perform for partners so they would think I was an amazing lover, feel satisfied and not leave me. And it is painful. I can’t tell you how much better my whole life is now that I have stopped with the mind-based self-punishing thoughts and resolutions and live instead by intentions that my body chooses and supports. Working with, not against my body.
It is my wish for you too, to leave behind the punishment of the mind based, pushing, performance based, resolution cycle and live the grace of being with your intentions.
It’s a journey – positive change is rarely easy, but it can be easeful.
I can support you in finding richer pleasures, fuller intimacy and deeper connection with your infinite body wisdom. My sex coaching with men and for men and their partners will work with you as a whole person:
Mind – Soul – Body
We start by listening to your body and choosing an intention that feels good for the whole of you.
Want to take the first step to a more intentional you? To live the kind of intimacy you want beyond this new year and for a lifetime?
Start by booking your Free Consultation Call.
