How To Get More Joy In Your Intimacy


Written by Sian Johnson

I’m passionate about helping men and their partners navigate the beautiful complexities of intimacy, desire, and relationships. As a Bodyworker and Sex Coach, I blend innovation with a holistic approach, considering not just the physical body but also the mind, heart, and soul. My goal is to create a safe space where genuine connections and transformations can happen.

March 4, 2024

Why is joy taboo?

Would you love to know how to get more joy in your intimacy? Because for many people, joy is pleasure, and pleasure is linked to behaviour that breaks rules of decorum and what is deemed polite or acceptable, in other words, pleasure is a sin. When we add in other societal norms around prioritising the mind over the body and work over play or rest, then we can suppress our natural inclination towards joy because we fear judgment or condemnation.

And then, as Brene Brown explains “Joy frightens us because it reminds us of what we have to lose”.

Maybe you can relate to this too? When you experienced a joyful moment, perhaps with loved ones or a time when you felt loved and full, yet your mind took a darker turn towards how it might not last, or were waiting for ‘the other foot to fall’, or thought ‘this is too good to be true’? So universal and prevalent are these fears, that we often deny ourselves to experience joy at all, because fear, shame and regret often follows.

And our fast-paced world with its constant stress and distractions and a million worries, can also overshadow our ability to experience genuine joy. It can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Embracing More Joy In Your Intimacy

Yet having the courage to embrace joy can have profound implications for our relationships, including intimacy and sexual fulfilment. And given the barriers and fears that we face, choosing to step into joy is a radical act of self-affirmation and freedom. It involves rejecting ideas that pleasure is inherently sinful and instead, making a choice to embrace the goodness of experiencing joy in all its forms.

Joy can be a catalyst for exploration and adventure within our own lives and when we bring this into our relationships, with friends, coworkers, family and partners, they can get to experience this joy too. To paraphrase Marianne Wiliamson, as we let our own joy shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

When couples approach life with a joyful mindset, they are more likely to seek out new experiences and embrace spontaneity. This sense of adventure extends to the bedroom, where joy can ignite passion and creativity, leading to more fulfilling sexual encounters.

In essence, when it comes to finding more joy in your intimacy and your like choosing to step into joy is a radical act of reclaiming pleasure and embracing the fullness of life. By prioritising joy within our relationships, we create space for love, connection, and intimacy to thrive. Joy serves as the foundation upon which intimacy thrives, allowing us to experience the full richness of connection and sexual fulfilment.

So my invitation is to cast aside the taboo and fear surrounding joy and intimacy and instead embrace it wholeheartedly, knowing that joy has the power to enhance not only your own well-being but your intimate relationships and your sex life too in profound and transformative ways.

10 suggestions for cultivating more joy in your Intimacy and Your Life

If you are looking for more joy in your intimacy and your life in general then some of these tips may help!

  • Gratitude: Reflect on what you’re grateful for daily.
  • Favourite Activities: Make time for hobbies you love.
  • Connect: Spend quality time with loved ones.
  • Mindfulness: Practice being present in the moment.
  • Simple Pleasures: Enjoy life’s small joys.
  • Optimism: Focus on possibilities, not limitations.
  • Kindness: Spread joy through acts of kindness.
  • Self-Care: Prioritise your well-being.
  • Meaning: Pursue what gives your life purpose.
  • Resilience: Embrace challenges with courage.

As you explore the possibilities of finding joy in your intimacy, remember that cultivating a joyful intimate life often starts with open communication and vulnerability. These elements are essential for building trust and deepening connections, which are the bedrock of joyful relationships. It’s about allowing yourself and your partner the space to express desires, fears, and fantasies without judgment. Such openness fosters an environment where joy is not just an occasional visitor but a permanent resident in your intimate life.

Additionally, embracing a playful attitude can significantly enhance intimacy and help you fine the joy in your intimacy. Joy thrives in an atmosphere of playfulness where you can laugh, tease, and explore together in a light-hearted manner. This shift towards play can transform routine interactions into moments of discovery and excitement.

Whether it’s trying out new activities together or revisiting past pleasures with a fresh perspective, the key is to keep the experience engaging and joyful. By integrating these principles into your daily interactions, you can ensure that joy becomes a core part of your intimacy, enriching both your relationship and your overall quality of life.

I wish you joy for yourself and in your relationships and success in finding more joy in your intimacy.