The Wheel of Consent
“In this practice, you learn to tell the difference between receiving and giving. You learn why we need them and find how each of them feeds you in a different way. You learn about desire, consent, selfishness, generosity, boundaries, respect, and pleasure.”
― Betty Martin, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
Sian Johnson, Men’s Sex Coach and Certified Wheel of Consent Facilitator, talks with Fennel Waters of Sex Positive Community Vermillion about Consent ahead of Sian’s Wheel of Consent weekend in Salford, Greater Manchester, UK on 6th & 7th April 2024.
In this video we talk about: What is consent?
A helpful definition What being in consent really looks like
Some ideas of consent is not Dr Betty Martin and the Wheel of Consent
What is the Wheel of Consent and how it can help improve relationships
What we mean by consent violations and some reasons why these happen
Cultural influences and power imbalances
Communication Going slower enables better choices
The gift of speaking and hearing a no
What to expect in a Wheel of Consent workshop
What makes Consent Sexy
Upcoming Workshops
The Consent Revolution
6 – 7 April
A weekend workshop on navigating boundaries and empowering relationships with the Wheel of Consent
The Consent Jam
6 April
Exploring boundaries and consent in a Wheel of Consent practice evening
What Do I Mean By Consent?
Consent is more than simply “yes” and “no”, because interactions between people are never that simple, we are far too interesting and complex for that!
For the most part, our desires (our needs) are mostly buried under layers of self judgement, embarrassment (shame) or just not knowing! What we want is often unclear or unspoken, so instead we try to muddle on with a mixture of second guessing, performance, telepathy and people pleasing. I don’t know about you, but that never seemed to get me anywhere, least of all to the kind of intimacy and relationships I really longed for.
To get the most out of our intimacy we first need to get really clear about what we want, how to trust what we want, how to value it and then to ask for our needs to be met in a way that is clear and clean.
When we add one or more other people into the equation, each of whom are also trying to get their needs met and using the less-than-helpful guesswork-performance-telepathy-pleasing approach, everything can get a bit unclear.
This is what makes consent so exciting. If we can work through our shyness of talking about our wants and desires, of trusting that neither you or your partner(s) are weird and that you can talk about this stuff, consent can be very fun and very sexy!
Which is why consent is absolutely fundamental to all of my work and interwoven into everything I offer, from Wheel of Consent workshops and events to The Art of Mindful Self Pleasure and the Sexual Empowerment Programme.
How I Use The Wheel of Consent To Help You
The Wheel of Consent was included in my Sexological Bodywork training and I subsequently trained with Betty Martin and Robyn Dalzen, both as a Practitioner (Like a Pro) and Facilitator of the Wheel of Consent (Facilitator Training). The Wheel of Consent changed my life. I went from ‘giving to get’ and manipulating my way into trying (and often failing) to get my needs met, to feeling empowered to know what I want and to be able to clearly ask for it AND to be able to receive a ‘no’ as a gift rather than a sign of how terrible/needy (insert your own word here) I was. This was a huge turn around for me personally and in my work with men.
Now I use the principles, practice and ethos of the Wheel of Consent in all of my work: in one-to-one sessions with client and couples, for online courses and I run my own in-person and group events.
Using Wheel of Consent techniques, I can support you to:
- Notice what you want and ask for it
- Know when to put your desires first (giving) and when to put them aside (receiving)
- Know the difference between ‘want to’ and ‘willing to’
- Get better in communicating and making clear agreements about touch
- Notice and set boundaries
- Feel safe enough to relax and enjoy touching and being touched
- Let go of the habit of ‘going along with’ unwanted touch
- Make empowered choices in sexual negotiations
As the word ‘consent’ implies, it’s all about choice. Whether you come to me for coaching in Sexual Empowerment or Mindful Self Pleasure, in every moment you are invited to make a conscious choice about what happens to and with you in each moment. As a therapist I bring lots of skills, training and experience. I have lots of sexy techniques and a warm kindness that aims to empower you to be in full choice at all times. Specific techniques from The Wheel of Consent include the Yes-No game, Want To – Willing To – No, the 3-minute game, boundary setting, Waking the Hands, Direct and Indirect Routes to Pleasure and many others.
More About The Wheel of Consent
The Wheel of Consent is a body of work developed by Betty Martin and is offered as training and courses to people and practitioners through online and in-person events. You can find out more about these on The School of Consent website.
Find out more:
- I chat with Jenny Wilson about Sex, Men and Communication on the I Do Consent Podcast.
- Betty Martin’s book The Art of Giving and Receiving: The Wheel of Consent.
- The School of Consent — the home of everything on The Wheel of Consent.
- Got Questions? the arrange your free Consultation Call with me now.
- To get notified of all up and coming events sign up to my Love Letters.
