How To Get More Joy In Your Intimacy

Written by Sian Johnson

I’m passionate about helping men and their partners navigate the beautiful complexities of intimacy, desire, and relationships. As a Bodyworker and Sex Coach, I blend innovation with a holistic approach, considering not just the physical body but also the mind, heart, and soul. My goal is to create a safe space where genuine connections and transformations can happen.

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March 4, 2024

Why is joy taboo?

Because for many people, joy is pleasure, and pleasure is linked to behaviour that breaks rules of decorum and what is deemed polite or acceptable, in other words, pleasure is a sin. When we add in other societal norms around prioritising the mind over the body and work over play or rest, then we can suppress our natural inclination towards joy because we fear judgement or condemnation.

And then, as Brene Brown explains “joy frightens us because it reminds of what we have to lose”.

Maybe you can relate to this to? When you experienced a joyful moment, perhaps with loved ones or a time when you felt loved and full, yet your mind took a darker turn towards how it might not last, or were waiting for ‘the other foot to fall’, or thought ‘this is too good to be true’? So universal and prevalent are these fears, that we often deny ourselves to experience joy at all, because fear, shame and regret often follows.

And our fast-paced world with its constant stress and distractions and a million worries, can also overshadow our ability to experience genuine joy. It can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Embracing joy

Yet having the courage to embrace joy can have profound implications for our relationships, including intimacy and sexual fulfilment. And given the barriers and fears that we face, choosing to step into joy is a radical act of self-affirmation and freedom. It involves rejecting ideas that pleasure is inherently sinful and instead, making a choice to embrace the goodness of experiencing joy in all its forms.

Joy can be a catalyst for exploration and adventure within our own lives and when we bring this into our relationships, with friends, coworkers, family and partners, they can get to experience this joy too. To paraphrase Marianne Wiliamson, as we let our own joy shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

When couples approach life with a joyful mindset, they are more likely to seek out new experiences and embrace spontaneity. This sense of adventure extends to the bedroom, where joy can ignite passion and creativity, leading to more fulfilling sexual encounters.

In essence, choosing to step into joy is a radical act of reclaiming pleasure and embracing the fullness of life. By prioritising joy within our relationships, we create space for love, connection, and intimacy to thrive. Joy serves as the foundation upon which intimacy thrives, allowing us to experience the full richness of connection and sexual fulfilment.
So my invitation is to cast aside the taboo surrounding joy and instead embrace it wholeheartedly, knowing that joy has the power to enhance not only your own wellbeing but your intimate relationships and your sex life too in profound and transformative ways.