The Foundation of Consent: Sexologist Sian Johnson Helps You To Understand and Honour Your Needs

Consent is more than just agreement; it’s a journey of self-awareness, communication and connection. At its heart lies the concept of “first intimacy”—the ability to notice, trust and value what you truly want. By cultivating this inner clarity, you can build healthier, more respectful dialogues with those around you.

For many, the patterns of people-pleasing—agreeing to things to avoid conflict or to feel appreciated—can make tuning into personal needs and expressing them difficult. But with the right tools and support, you can break free from these habits and create relationships grounded in mutual respect and choice.

What Is First Intimacy?
First intimacy is about building a deep connection with yourself. It means learning to:

• Notice what you want or don’t want in the moment.
• Trust that you are not simply ‘triggered’ into a nervous system or emotional response but that these are genuine needs and boundaries in this moment.
• Value your needs, wants and desires, even if you know that they wont be valued by others.

Once you can get the hang of noticing, trusting and valuing, the next step is to:

• Communicate your needs, wants and desires. This is where many people struggle, for all kinds of reasons. But relying on telepathy and second guessing means you don’t get your needs met. So it’s important to learn/relearn this process safely so you can express and negotiate your needs clearly.

This process, which is at the heart of the Wheel of Consent that I teach, lays the foundation for healthier communication in all relationships, whether with partners, friends or colleagues.

The Trap of People Pleasing
People pleasing is a common but exhausting pattern. Rooted in a desire to avoid conflict, feel valued, or maintain harmony, it often leads to agreeing to things that don’t feel right for us. In my upcoming workshop, Breaking Free from People Pleasing with the Wheel of Consent, we’ll explore three key patterns:

• Going along with: Agreeing without genuinely wanting to.
• Second guessing: Doubting your own needs and trying to decipher others’ desires.
• People pleasing: Prioritising others’ needs at the expense of your own.

These behaviours often come from a place of self-protection or a longing for love, connection and appreciation, but they can undermine genuine connection and leave you feeling unseen or unheard.

Breaking Free and Building Empowerment
If these patterns resonate with you, my Breaking Free from People Pleasing workshop on 11th January 2025 in Leeds is a wonderful place to start. Together, we’ll explore how to:

• Identify and trust your true needs using the Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin.
• Notice and navigate survival responses, such as anxiety or avoidance of conflict, through principles from Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory.
• Communicate your needs with kindness, clarity and confidence.
• Reclaim your voice and navigate rejection or disagreement with ease.

This workshop is fully clothed and involves simple, platonic exercises (like touch of the hands) to help reconnect you with your body’s wisdom. You’ll leave with practical tools to enhance both your self-awareness and your relationships.

If you’ve never attended a workshop before, here’s what you can expect:

• A Safe, Inclusive Space: Open to individuals, couples, and groups of all orientations and relationship styles.
• Practical Learning: Exercises and discussions to apply consent principles in real-life situations.
• A Supportive Atmosphere: No judgement or pressure—just space to explore and grow.
• Experienced Facilitation: As a Certified Wheel of Consent Trainer and recovering people-pleaser, I bring compassion and personal insight to every session.

Say Yes to a Fresh Start
2025 could be your year to feel good, both inside and out. Whether you’re ready to dive straight into working on yourself or just want to explore how I can help, let’s make this the year for you to prioritise yourself.

Explore my website www.sianjohnson.com to learn more about my one-to-one coaching and online programmes designed to help you step into a confident, empowered and exciting new chapter.

I am passionate about helping men and couples (re)discover pleasure as a powerful catalyst for transformational change. Are you ready to join me on this journey? Here’s how…

• Arrange your Complimentary Clarity Call with me here
• Discover innovative one to one Sex Therapy sessions here
• Explore Tantric Pleasure Coaching programmes here
• See forthcoming events and workshops here
• Uncover the art of Erotic Tantric Massage here
• Watch helpful content on my YouTube channel here