“I first reached out to Sian mid -January 2023. I had come out of a turbulent relationship, where being intimate was not fun, but terrifying and unfulfilling all at the same time, where the expectation to perform was unrelenting, even if I did not feel I could. I felt trapped in a cycle of doubt and self-loathing, as if I was merely in intimacy to please women, even if I felt it was wrong, but more than that I had lost my ability to say no, or to ask for things that I found pleasurable or enjoyable, in other words, I had completely dissociated from my emotions and become robotic where intimacy was concerned. Having started a new relationship 4 months earlier and with intimacy having been discussed, I knew I needed to redefine my relationship with intimacy so that I could fall in love with it again and take this into my new relationship.
The first time I came to see Sian, at the end of January, I was nervous about what to expect and how the conversations would go. Sian immediately put me at ease, and the phrase “all of you is welcome” was such a relief to hear, especially when emotions started tumbling out, alongside my tears. Never has a better phrase been spoken as that one to me at that time. Sian explained to me the importance of being in consent, being able to choose and how to move from the feeling of fear into the joyous side of life.
As the programme moved forward, Sian encouraged me every step of the way, moving forward at a pace that was comfortable for me, with no pressure to rush onto the next stage. The homework tasks I was set, were similarly gently paced, whether that be from the deep breathing exercises to feel into myself, to the communication style I was using, to the self-pleasuring exercises and finding out what I found pleasurable or not and how this could change from one time to another (which by the way I found to be a revelation), whilst all the while Sian would be promoting acceptance and enjoyment in anything I experienced, any feelings of shame being broken away, and being encouraged to remember to say maybe or no if something didn’t feel right for me, another huge revelation and a massive confidence booster for me.
By the time I arrived at Stage 3, I felt already more accepting of my likes and dislikes, in terms of being touched, where to be touched, and how I could communicate, but I still had to face my biggest concern, of practising all this with someone else. Sian immediately put me at ease here too, reminding me that it was OK to say stop or no at any point, and there was no rush or expectation for me to do anything. The feeling of building connection through eye-gazing and holding hands really was empowering to me, and when we moved onto the more intimate touching, I felt a calmness and strength that I had never felt before, along with a confidence that I was in the moment and was there to experience and enjoy it, without dissociating in any way. No more doubts, no more second guessing, just a beautiful feeling of happiness.
I worked with Sian on the S.E.P for 20 hours of face-to-face sessions over 7 months, plus time for homework and practice of new techniques between each session. It has been the greatest, most revelatory, confidence-building, empowering 7 months I could have ever wished for. I feel more empowered, confident, and comfortable in my intimacy than ever before and my new relationship is blossoming better than I could have wished for too.
If you are in any doubt about your intimacy, for whatever reason, please come and see Sian. It has done so much for me, and it really can for you too. Remember, all of you is welcome with Sian.
Many thanks Sian,
Adam”