The sex life of many men is a far cry from the sexual fantasy that our “sex sells” quick fix culture would have us believe. Apparently, everyone (else!) is having amazing sex. Messages from the media; films, tv and pornography condition us to believe great sex looks and feels a certain way. We are given fleeting glimpses of what it is to be a good lover and the need to always sexually satisfy your partner which basically boils down to having a big hard cock and to being able to fuck for a long time. These unfair, unrealistic and sweeping messages can be deeply damaging and is just one of many sources of anxiety for men around pleasure, sex and intimacy. Many clients tell me that they have developed insecurities about sex before they even begun!
Shame, Insecurity and Sexual Dysfunction
Feelings of shame, insecurity and the pressure of not measuring up to these false and unfair expectations that face men, can contribute to an array of sexual dysfunction in various forms including low libido, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, fear of intimacy, lack of confidence, sexual inexperience, body confidence and performance anxiety. These physical symptoms can be the source of so much frustration, anxiety and depression for many men and concern for their partners.
“There is a strong link between sexual dysfunction and mental health.”
Dr Sharon Parish
Professor of Medicine in Clinical Psychiatry
Weill Cornell Medicine.
Stop having sex with your mind. Start having sex with your body.
The problem is often the disconnection between the mind and the body. You have trouble getting out of your head with negative cyclical thought patterns that put you under pressure to perform well in bed. The mind is running stories: ‘I must be horny with a hard cock’ and ‘last for x amount of time’, ‘I must pleasure her before I can cum’. Meanwhile the body doesn’t function the way we want it to when there are these judgements, frustrations, pressures and anxieties in the mind.
Build your Sexual Confidence Now!
The key to moving away from performance problems and getting more pleasure from your sex life is to start working with your body. When you experience what is truly going on in your body, with all of the nuances and subtleties of your arousal and desire, you are working with what is happening right now; the experience and sensations of your body and genitals in the present moment. It might sound a bit obvious but in the body is where you need to be for much better sex. Yes, it can be so tempting to drift off into your mind to use sexual fantasy or watch porn to get aroused but this can, if not used consciously, lead to disconnection and sexual dysfunction. It can mean you need more and more mental sexual stimulation to get aroused before your body will respond. Loss of connection with your own body, for whatever reason, is strongly linked to problems in the bedroom and in intimacy and this denies you the full experience of sensation, pleasure and an erotic connection to your full sexy potential both with yourself and with your partner.
Freedom through Knowing Yourself
You can stop the loss of sexual power to negative beliefs and stories and choose freedom by bringing your sexual experience back into the body and away from the mind’s distortions and judgments. Your body doesn’t judge, it simply feels and with greater feeling comes greater pleasure, confidence and ease.
Reject media-led ideas of how your body should look, work or how it should function. It’s your responsibility to get to know and understand the strength and vulnerability of your own unique biology. Take steps to get to know yourself and be in touch with your own body, your own pleasure and your own unique sexual power.
Working With a Sex Coach for Men
By working through guided Sexual Empowerment practices, and with regular practice, you can learn how to be less in your mind and more with your body and so you can enhance your sex life, increase your confidence, pleasure, potential and sexual power. You will be introduced to various techniques including breathwork, touch and emotional release which can help you:
- Calm the mind so you can let go, relax, be more comfortable with your body. Freeing yourself from shame, insecurities and anxiety.
- Gain more sensitivity in your body and genitals which in turn offers more choice.
- Develop a greater capacity to experience pleasure and share this pleasure with your partner.
- Stop relying on heavy physical or mental stimulation from porn, fantasy or memory to arouse you.
- Deeply learn and understand your body so that you can take back control and have greater ejaculation choice.
- Gain confidence by learning to trust the deep wisdom of your body. So you can dismiss the countless myths about men and sexuality.
- Develop a deeper knowing of yourself from experience and practicing what is true for you and your body.
- Take the heaviness, hassle and obligation out of sex and begin to truly enjoy yourself!
It’s not hard to learn these techniques. They are pleasure-based and very much about bringing joy into your solo sex and into partner sex. So between learning these body and mind techniques with me, your commitment to the sessions and to practicing daily, working with me can bring you the results that you want, not just for a while, but permanently. For good. Forever!
If you are experiencing any problems around sexual confidence, experience or dysfunction, there are a number of routes that we can explore. I offer one-to-one and person-to-person programmes specifically to help men get more pleasure and connection from their body and their sex life. Book a free Consultation Call to find out more.
