The morning after the weekend before… of my 12th Wheel of Consent event and the first as a fully Certified Facilitator. 16 curious people, across 2 consent events, 5 amazing team members and me. Where we looked at reflections on consent, comedowns, cancelling and commitment.
I have such gratitude to all who showed up in their courage, their vulnerability, their authenticity and their openness to experience. I loved it. What happened in those rooms, was transformational on so many levels.
If I stop comparing myself to Betty, Robyn and Michael, I’m probably around an 8/10. I plan meticulously, I hold good space for myself, the team and audiences, I know the material.
And yet because of my neurodiversity, I can get lost in the order, write untidily on the board, I forget stuff and when something isn’t perfect, I get impatient with and punish myself.
I am accepting that my teaching style is unique to me. I feel, and am impacted by those in the room as they move through the sadness and the grief, the joy and the laughter, and those beautiful ‘aha’ moments.
And I find myself, again, in wonderment at the capacity for people to create safety, trust and open their hearts to themselves and to others. This is where I too, can embrace the deep pain and infinite beauty of being human. And I am reminded of our connectedness.
Comedowns
I recall Billy Connolly attributing his substance use in the 80s as an attempt to navigate the post-show comedown. And I am relating to how tricky it can be to regain my groundedness and equilibrium today. Not that the weekend was a show, but it was full of the physiological and psychological responses to excitement, fear, joy, connection and being deeply moved.
And I feel both exhausted by it and enriched. So today is a day of essential tasks, and I give myself permission for these to be done slowly and with self-loving care.
Cancelling
My belief in and commitment to this work is unwavering. Consent is the foundation of all I do, both professionally and personally; it runs deep in my heart alongside my integrity. I have compassion for myself for when I didn’t then and don’t now always get it right.
And yet I nearly cancelled this weekend because of low numbers right up until the day before, not knowing whether to run it, postpone it or cancel it.
So I won’t be running any more of my own workshops. Because it’s too hard. I cannot be with the hustle of ‘building a reputation’ of ‘building an audience’, of trying to raise awareness of what consent is.
I’m a lover not a fighter — I’m a teacher not a hustler. And hustling is what it seems to take to ‘get there’. I just can’t do that anymore.
I love teaching. I use my body and my heart in this soulful work — to expend this much of my energy, my core energy, in creating and sharing ‘content’ that reflects my truth and my integrity, and then make that land in front of people the average seven times it takes to inspire them to dive in, depletes my resources too much. It is too much for me.
Commitment
So when you see a workshop or an event that you want to join, please sign up, please spread the word! If you have worked with a practitioner and you love what they do, promote them. Sing your praises of them, share their content. Better still, organise events where they can come and teach; where they can bring the best of themselves without all of the associated admin and marketing stuff that few of us enjoy.
Yes, and I mean me also. I will come to your event, your festival, your weekend, your workshop, your community to teach. I am deeply committed to this work —let me deliver to you and for you.
And if you are someone who wants to experience and learn, to be in the spaces I and others hold, then remember that we bring our heart, our body and our soul into our offerings. So please respond to mine and their commitment to their craft with your commitment to registering early, and support those who, through their work, are helping to make the world a better place for you.
Thank you and with love.
s
